WHY DO I WANT SO MUCH SEX?

Healthy appetites for sex come in a wide range- from no desire to daily desire, or even more. If the amount of sex you want is the amount of sex you’re having, then there is no problem. But sometimes the amount of sex we crave isn’t compatible with our actual lifestyle or relationships. Maybe it's that your partner or partners don’t share the same level of desire. Maybe chasing sex is just taking up too much time and energy. Whatever the reason- when we want more sex than our life can handle, it's worth examining what you’re needing so badly!

Sex is pleasure, and that's a good enough reason to want it. Except there are other reasons besides pleasure that humans have sex! We do it for intimacy, distraction, as proof that we are wanted, and to feel safe and secure in our relationships. It’s two (or more) birds with one stone. What we get out of sex is unique to us, though there are common themes. 

Check out the list below and see if you might be meeting one or more of these universal human needs with sex:

Validation

I am sexy. I am wanted. I am loved. I can please my partner sexually. I matter. 

Safety

I know my relationship isn’t ending. I know how my partner feels about me.

Intimacy

Sex makes me feel close to my partner in a way that day-to-day life does not. 

Release 

Sex gives me a feeling of release from tension that I build up.

Distraction 

Sex temporarily distracts me from unpleasant thoughts or emotions.

Affection 

Sex is a time when I can feel free to give and/or receive types of sweetness that I don’t otherwise engage in.

Presence 

When I have sex, I feel alive in a way that I can’t replicate elsewhere.

Permission 

Having sex gives me permission to be erotic in a way that I struggle to find on my own.

Gender euphoria

Sex validates my gender expression.

Exercise/Movement

Sex gives me a reason to move my body.

Sleep

I sleep better after an orgasm. Sex in the morning gives me a reason to wake up. 

Power

Sex makes me feel powerful in a way that regular life does not.

Play

Sex gives me permission to be in a flow state with my partner. Sex gives me a reason to be silly or unserious.

Self-expression

Sex makes me feel like myself.

Rebellion

Sex makes me feel like I’m not always bound to the rules. 

Did you find one or more needs on this list that you related to? Which ones were they, and why do you think that need is so important to you personally?

If you find yourself craving more sex than you can realistically have, try creating non-sexual ways to meet what you’re longing for most. What other ways can you incorporate more play, or more movement, or more intimacy in your life? There is no need to count on sex to do so much for us. It adds pressure to the act, and pressure is incompatible with pleasure. 

So why do you want so much sex? It could be because you’re using sex to fill your unmet needs.